


Love and Sacrifice

by swdsnygeek



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, Mission Fic, Overcoming fears, Rescue Mission, Some angst, Undercover Cassian, tackling the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 13:58:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swdsnygeek/pseuds/swdsnygeek
Summary: Jyn knows she made the right choice. She also knows Cassian will come back for her. If only she could silence her doubts. Cassian has a few issues of his own with the situation.





	Love and Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [motherofangst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherofangst/gifts).



> Rebelcaptain secret santa gift for the lovely MotherofAngst who prompted "we do terrible things for the ones we love". Thanks to FiKate and Gloriouswhisperstyphoon for beta help!

 

She wasn’t sure she would ever forget the agonized look on Cassian’s face, but there had been no other choice. She knew what he would do if he were the one captured, his sense of duty was too ingrained. He believed in her, loved her, would hate himself for it, and the pain it caused her, but he would still do it. She couldn’t accept that. So she changed the stakes to something she could accept. Still, his expression cut her more deeply than anything the Empire could do to her. 

 

This prison was much like all the others she had been in.  _ Another reason I know I did the right thing. I’ve been here before, I can handle it. Before I had no one, now I have someone who will tear apart the galaxy to get to me. I can be patient.  _ Unlike Wobani, she didn’t have a cellmate. The troopers brought her food twice daily, but never spoke to her. She counted patrol cycles in the corridor to help keep time. By her estimation she had been here two days. She had not been taken for interrogation, nor had she been offered medical care for the minor scrapes and blaster graze she had gotten in the skirmish. The lights flickered on- full brightness and then turned off and plunged her into total darkness at random intervals. The temperature fluctuated dramatically as well. Her scandocs hadn’t held up to a thorough inspection. She’d known they wouldn’t. Cassian had likely had to scrap his as well. Knowing him, he had thrown himself into forging a new ones. He would be livid with her, but he was alive. She heard a trooper patrol and noted that this interval usually brought a meal. Skipping it meant the interrogator would come soon The Empire liked to keep interrogations neat. They preferred droids and drugs. Wouldn’t want to soil the room with body fluids and pain caused some people to become nauseated. Her hand drifted towards her neck, but her crystal was gone. She had placed it in Cassian’s palm and then closed his fist around it right before the troopers took her. A promise that she would fight like hell to get make it back to him, and that she knew he wouldn’t willingly abandon me here. An off schedule patrol moved through the hallway, it was time. She repeated Chirrut’s mantra to herself, before schooling her face blank. 

 

The trooper escort led her into a room with a steel bench, and an IT-O unit in the corner. No officer in sight.  _ Intimidation tactic. Allow the prisoner to work themselves into a panic.  _ She knew better. There were two ways to handle this, either insist that this was all a mistake and she was the person her scandocs said she was, or stay silent. The interrogator’s demeanor would help her determine the best course of action. For now, she would be patient. She focused on her breathing, feeling the air move through her body and then back out during each breath. It was a meditation technique she learned from Chirrut and it allowed her to quiet her mind and build a safe place to retreat to if she needed it during the interrogation. She refused to put faces or names in that place, but did fill it with the feeling of warmth that her found family provided, the trust she shared with one member in particular. Those would give her strength without any chance of betraying secrets. 

 

A nondescript officer entered, and his bored demeanor told her the scandocs hadn’t held up. They knew she was on an imperial controlled world, in a classified area, without valid documents. She didn’t have Cassian’s gift at convincing people to accept her words at face value, nor did she have Bodhi’s disarming charm, she would be quiet and search for an out. Eventually the interrogator would slip up, or they would tire of her demeanor and order her transported elsewhere, providing an opportunity to escape. She just had to endure. Jyn Erso had spent her life enduring the unbearable, she could do it once more. 

 

She estimated the interview had been about 2 hours when the Imperial got tired of rephrasing the same questions while she said nothing, and the troopers returned, replaced her binders and escorted her to her cell. The days continued much the same. The IT-O never powered on, and the officer seemed ambivalent to her silence. It all felt like going through the motions. She was a low priority prisoner. She was being held essentially for trespassing. They had nothing else on her. No reason to waste too many resources. She’d be transferred soon, she could feel it. 

 

Despite the relative comfort of it all, her fears began to prey on her.  _ He’s not coming back.  _

 

_ I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t valuable enough to the Alliance.  _

 

_ He is following orders to report to base. He already took a new op. _

 

_ His feelings for you were a lie to keep you around because you were useful. No one cares about you. _

 

_ You aren’t worth loving.  _

 

There. That was the biggest one, the worst one. She wasn’t good enough for her mother to stay with her, she wasn’t good enough for Saw. How would she be enough for Cassian? For any of her team?

 

_ No.  _ She snarled back, defiant.  _ You know all of his tells. All of it was true.  _ It was the isolation, she knew. Though she had only had Cassian- all of them, for a short time, their love and support had cracked her thick walls. She was no longer used to being alone. She didn’t want to be alone. Ever again. She wouldn’t be. He was coming. She believed that, she knew him as well as she knew herself. She would stay strong and she would be ready. 

 

On the sixth day, the patrol schedule was off. The midmorning round hadn’t come and it was lunch time. There was no food either. Her heart whispered  _ Cassian _ but her mind shied away from that hope. Protecting herself in case it wasn’t him, wasn’t a rescue at all. Lt Grener had been growing increasingly frustrated, perhaps he was banishing her to a labor camp, hoping that being worked to death would loosen her tongue.  _ At least it can’t be Wobani again. The Princess made sure of that. _ There was even potential for useful intel gathering. She heard footsteps in the corridor, not a patrol though, one set of human footsteps in military precise rhythm, on trooper and the clomping of heavy metal feet. The trio stopped in front of her cell door. Hope swelled in her chest, a warm wave that left her almost giddy. At the same time, fear coiled in her gut, if it wasn’t a rescue, it could be an execution. She forced herself to hunch over and stare at the wall blankly. 

 

“Open it,” came the sharp command in a cool Alderaani accent. The voice, though devoid of it’s usual soft consonants, was achingly familiar.

 

The scrambled reply from the trooper, “Yes sir,” and the door slid open. 

 

She took a deep breath and tentatively glanced up. Cassian, in an officers uniform. A cursory glance confirmed the security droid was Kaytoo. They had come for her. Her heart soared, and a sense of lightness flooded her chest. She hadn’t been left behind. 

 

“Get the prisoner ready for transport. I want to leave as soon as possible.” 

 

The trooper shoved her forward, and Kaytoo led them through the twisting tunnels of the underground facility. Condensation dripped down the duracrete walls as the air con struggled to control the humidity. The whole place was damp, and smelled musty. The corridor must be rarely used. It didn’t adhere to the usual standards of cleanliness. She trudged along, perspiration dripping down her back, as her skin buzzed with the desire to knock out the trooper and throw herself into Cassian’s arms. She resisted, they weren’t safe yet. 

 

The corridor tunnel finally let out, onto the tarmac of a landing pad. Imperial shuttles of varying sizes scattered the pad. Kaytoo led them toward the northeast corner. At the shuttle ramp he paused and the trooper pushed her up the ramp and secured her binders to the wall in the cargo bay. He also closed the rings around her ankles. She shot him a venomous glare, but it bounced off of his skull helmet. 

 

She heard Cassian finishing up with the commanding officer on base, signing her transfer papers, confirming that he had taken her into custody. Kay moved toward the cockpit, starting the preflight checks and sequences. Cassian’s footsteps on the ramp were almost soundless. He closed the door, then knocked twice on the durasteel as a signal to Kay. Jyn heard the engines power up, takeoff sequence initiated. His face was unreadable as he released her ankle restraints, and then disconnected the binders. He looked at her raw wrists for a long moment before shaking his head, as if clearing it. 

 

“I need to help Kay get us out of here, there are spare clothes in the crew bunk.” His voice stayed flat, his gaze shuttered. He turned toward the cockpit and she stood frozen for a moment. Her mind raced as it worked to process the smoothness of her escape. She hadn’t had to fight her way out, bribe anyone or offer favors she didn’t want to grant. Instead someone she loved had come back for her. Again. 

 

She changed clothes, then looked for Cassian. He had somehow disappeared on the tiny ship. 

 

She carefully entered the cockpit, “Where is he, Kay?”

 

“He didn’t tell me where he was going and I cannot fathom the minds of organics.” He replied snippily, not bothering to look at her.

 

“Is he avoiding me?” she pressed.  

 

Kay ignored the question, which was as good as confirming her suspicion. She huffed a sigh and continued her search. Anxiety danced in her gut as she searched the ship.  The Imperial officer’s uniform had been shoved into a corner of the cargo bay, but still no Cassian. There was a door across from the crew bunk. She had assumed it led to a fresher, but now she wasn’t sure. 

 

The short hallway suddenly seemed endless as she debated her course of action. Confronting Cassian could lead to a massive argument or to him shutting her out but she didn’t have the patience to wait him out. He was even worse at processing emotions than she was and she had no desire to wait 4 months to talk to him again.  _ I did the right thing. I can make him understand that,  _ she reminded herself and knocked on the door. The few seconds of silence that followed seemed to last forever. 

 

“It’s unlocked,” came the response, his tone flat. 

 

She pressed the release button, and stepped inside. A warmth filled her body just being in his presence again.

 

Cassian was seated on the edge of the small bunk, hands folded, elbows on his knees and staring at the floor. Though it was just them and Kay onboard, she automatically pressed the button to close the door. This was a private conversation. One she would be starting, since Cassian hadn’t even looked at her. 

 

“I know you’re unhappy with me, “ she started.

 

He surged to his feet. “Unhappy? Honestly? I am furious.” He cut her off. The flatness was gone replaced with a frigid anger that bordered on frightening. The small room felt claustrophobic as her adrenaline surged in response to his outburst.

 

She refused to let him intimidate her. “Because I didn’t stay on the ship like you told me to?” she tried for lightness. 

 

HIs expression shut down again and she instantly knew it was the wrong thing to say. She wished she could swallow the words back up as soon as they escaped her mouth. 

 

“Now you want to joke about it. I don’t know what else I expected. Does your life mean so little to you?” The worst thing about Cassian when he was angry was that he didn’t get loud. He got cold and he got quiet, and now he was both. The earlier warmth in the room was gone. She felt like she was back on Echo base.

 

“I was never in any real danger, they had me on trespassing and forged documents at the most. They were going to release me, or transfer me and I could have escaped. This isn’t my first time in their custody, as you well know.” Her tone was earnest, cajoling almost. 

 

“You didn’t know that! They could have killed you,” he retorted.

 

“Well they would have killed you. Or rather, you would have done it for them.” Her anger surged forward now. He didn’t get it. She had known what she was doing, and why she was doing it. “I knew you would come for me. I would never have made it to you in time. I couldn’t let you do that. Not if I could protect you.” 

 

He slowly sunk back down onto the bunk and she seated herself next to him. She searched his face, emotions flickered across and then vanished behind the spymaster mask. Incredulity, fear, a flash of understanding and something she thought might have been love. She would treasure that one forever, tucked in her heart with the memory of her parents. She knew the mask wasn’t intentional, it was a default he moved to when he was surprised or overwhelmed. She pressed on, trying to explain further, though each word felt scraped from her very soul.

 

“I know what your orders are, I know they would have found you in their systems, and you couldn’t let that happen. But by trading places I kept them from finding you, and gave you time to find me. I was such a low priority that they barely bothered. They didn’t even use the IT-O. It wouldn’t have been that way for you. Plus I knew beyond a doubt that you would come for me.” 

 

“How, why?” He breathed, warm brown eyes locked onto hers.

 

“You know why, and because we are mirrors. I knew you would do that because it’s what I would do for you.” 

 

He turned away, unable to hold her gaze any longer. She moved slowly, giving him time to refuse and placed her palm on his cheek, turning him back towards her. 

 

“I don’t deserve that trust Jyn. Don’t give it to me.”

 

“You do, and I will keep reminding you of that until you believe me.” 

 

She tipped his chin down, to press her forehead against his. 

 

“I’m still mad at you”, he breathed

 

“Of course you are.” She tilted her head, moving her lips towards his and he gently closed the distance to meet her. The kiss stayed soft- a promise.  _ I will always come for you. _

 

She stood slowly, grabbing his hand, to lead him back towards the cockpit. 

 

“Before Kay comes looking,” she quipped. 

 

Cassian just rolled his eyes fondly. 

 

She slipped into a passenger seat while Cassian took the copilot spot. 

 

“ I see the two of you have made up. Wonderful.” Kay greeted. 

 

“Of course, you know you can’t get rid of me that easily,” she snarked back. 

 

“If only,” he huffed in the droid approximation of a sigh. 

 

As she playfully rolled her eyes in response, Jyn felt contentment and satisfaction flow through her.  She was safe and warm and home.


End file.
